enough is enough

aaaaahhhhh...dwelling my self in the past,is not a pretty thought.but still,i think of the past as if it means a hell lot to me,when it only feels like a glimpse of my childhood.

were my decisions wrong?were my choices black and white that it seems so DEAD ON.no,i was not naive back then,nor am i now.maybe i was just not sober enough to realise that SAYING ONE LITTLE THING could actually mean a whole other thing.nooo,i was not drunk,i was more daydreaming.

did i do the right thing?am i DOING the right thing?
what IS the right thing goddamnit?
was i the one to start this never ending facade?hiding behind a veil that doesn't cover much but still creating questioning looks and curious thoughts.well,which mostly came from strangers whom ive known for so long.
i know them by name,but not their true faces.they seem to be fading the moment i get closer.they seem to have transformed into a beast from early memories.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
this is not the time to abide to unsettling thoughts.not when you could actually see THE LIGHT at the end of that dark and horrific tunnel that has become my journey for so long.maybe I need civilisation,a warm touch,something familiar.BUT I'M STUCK HERE,STUCK IN THIS DARKAGES OF TORTURE AND FALSE RENDITIONS.


i need help.*full stop*

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i'm just not thinking straight.everything's a blur.a hideous blur.

no i know why.i'm jealous.i'm jealous coz she is beautiful and actually clever,while i'm this old wannabe caught in the middle of an obscure optical illusions.

yup,it's confirmed.everything's an illusion.

i'm off...........................................