we were talking about the future "things" again...."we" as in my sis, mum and I of course....and because of that i cried my eyes out again...why???because they always look down on me.....
every single thing that i do is always wrong....just by opening my mouth, to them i have said the wrong thing....sitting down next to them, they look like i am something that is about to change into a bug....welll....wat can i say or do??that is what happen when your elder sister have come back....
just thinking about them makes me wanna cry....again....just listening to them talk with each other wanna make me puke!yes.....u may think that i am in the stage where my hormones are imbalanced and me being a rebellious teenager....weelll, i am very pleased if u want to be in my shoes.......be my guest..
owhkay...owhkay...let's start from the beginning....
we went back from our dinner-eating out-then they were planning to have a trip to wietnam....just them...since i have school.....well, do they have to make it during school time....can't they just a few days til i finish school...but watever....they never do it when my sis is busy or away.....always wanna wait for her...well, im owhkay with that really...i am used to it.....then my mum even sanggup to wait for my sis's bf to have his hols to bring him with them....HIM!!!!but not me....nooooo~....
suddenly we came to "my future" topic....i don rely remember how we even got there...*my eyes are soo watery i can't even look at the screen..*
my sister can do everything....she is SOOOO good in driving, i am not, so i can't be a pilot....my reflexes aren't good and i am too loud....i can't be a teacher coz my sis sed soo, since everyone would be afraid of me....i can't be an engineer since i can never sit still andcan't keep quiet....i can't even do anything medical since i am terrified of needles.....my own sister said from her own mouth that she won't recommend me.....why is she afraid that i will do better than her???come on!!i won't steal her glory...i'll stand back and be "aina's little sister" i dun mind....but still NO!!audi can do everything coz he is a BOY!!talk about discrimination and inequality......waddahell!!
a writer??a journalist???that is wat i call a far-fetched dream....wheni wanna be realistic i am called IMMATURE!!childish....
"change the way u laugh", my mum always sed.....laughing has absolutely nothing to do with a job!!.....my aunt laughs like a donkey,loud and ugly but her doing that is ok coz she is a hotel director....i could not be one because im loud....tell me whether i shud be confused or not!!
it's hard to be me.....when i wanna do sumthing good, my mum wud say, she will never do that....she can't even do that...she is not qualified to do that....
all i am good in is english and god knows my writing and language is not even excellent...."cukup cukup makan".....HUH!!!!!!!!
writing....nothing good can come out of it.....a mother who does not even supprt her own child....well, she does support my sis and bro though....a black sheep...

hari raya update

SOOOOO....i still cannot feel the raya vibe this year....i mean i could feel it last year and celebrate it with a lil bit of joy eventhough i did not go back Kuching...
this year...this particular year....heemmm.....why issit so???when i think back this past few days.....more like yesterday...everythng felt normal.....like it is still Ramadhan....there is a lack of excitement and happiness....
is it because i was driven by my own grandmother to work like a slave.....i mean i was asked to clean this and tidy that up, 2 days before raya....when i said i was exhausted she just said nothing......cruelty....owhkay not really cruelty and slavery since im being paid...hahahah....but still...i was alone doing all those things......once i had to carry 16 kilos of chicken and 6 kilos og beef in one go...and carry it around in this small basket...when we reached the car i literally could not feel my hands....
and when i complained to my aunt....u knoe what she sed???she bloody said its good for the arms...exercise..gawd daym it...if she was asked to carry that kind of load she would not have sed that it was exercise....my aunt was left sleeping soundly and nicely while i was tortured!and she did not show any compassion...nobody even asked if i was tired.....my arms....pity them....
and dat was not all...i ha to carry a large TV up to the 2nd floor...and carry boxes containing drinks.....i think my arms grew an inch!!
my back hurt and my legs are swollen and i could not think!....just because i have a big body...owhkay owhkay...FAT then does not mean i can work like 20 men!!doesn't mean i have the energy of 20 men!!
thank gawd i was there for 5 days...if it was more i would have died and died again...
i was exhausted to tears...tears!!!and nobody cared...owhkay of corz nobody knew since i was bawling my eyes out in the toilet....plus putting the water on!!hehehehe...
now in Brunei when i did not want to do something also tins are thrown at me.....shheessshhh!!!
the last time in Kuching i had my gurl cousin to help me....a friend to suffer together....but this year my sis was not there and mycousin was not there.....all alone....with a burden to bear alone.....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!all is over now ayu...relax....i should have more gurl cousins....only 3 gurls in the family!!all dumb lazy and noe nothing boys...
i am hypocritical about being a feminist since my own "kampung home" is very genderlism-thing...all the house work us women do.......the guys all sit and wait for the food to be readied...gawd....even us gurls have to set the table....wash the dishes and even put the dishes in the sink...
i guess that is why i am soooooo leaning myself towards becoming a feminist....and not wanting to bear children esp boys into a world where they may conquer but does no work to be worthy of it....

and tins can fly....

owhkaayyy...so i start this month's "blogging" with this event of mine today...
my mum just threw 3 tins of carbonated drinks at me.....why, u ask...because first she called me lazy for not wanting to learn more about this bloody stupid and ridiculous laptop of mine (coz all i knoe is copy and paste) and that made me become even lazier and angry at her.....gawd...im a teenager...why shouldn't i be...hahah... and then she asked me what will i wear to azrina's house and i said..."antah eyh.." and HEL-LO!!of corz i dun noe wat im supposed to wear!!she shud noe that i will never knoe what i will wear eventhough the particular event starts in 5 minutes let alone for 24 hours!!issssshhhhh.....
so she screamed at me for always saying "antah eyh.."....but i just said those words once today....hmmmm.....and suddenly became histeric....and threw at first 2 tins and then i kept quiet(hello....did she want me to answer in that kind of situation???) and threw another tin at me.....i mean hel-lo....she can throw all the tins in the world coz it did not hurt at all...and dat was the funny thing...it did not hurt...and i expected it to hurt like hell....coz the tins were still full....
owh well......who cares.....the bottom line is i still dun have a daym clue which baju kurung i shud wear....heeeemmmmm...*siiggghhh*....hahahaha....
and of corz i cried....hahaha......juz for ur info...huhuhuhu....den everything was back to normal.....i was like "wateva.."
my mum has been touchy since the day my sister came home...everything she does is ok....well back to normal....my 'rents will complain everything bout my sis to me but in front of her they'll put their disgusting "happy" faces.....to hell all of them!!!!!
can't wait for school to reopen....

waaaaahhh..lama dah na blogging..ehehe...

my birthday was yesterday and im 18 and 1 day today....and i feel....hmmm...i feel....like im still me two days before and the day before and the day before that....hmmmmmmm.......
my mom kept telling me..ayu, u shud not do this and do that...juz coz im so called 18....what's the difference between the 17 year old me and the 18 and 1 day old....hahahahaha......don tell my mum that though coz all she will say is dat im still immature....but for her information....I AM IMMATURE!!hahaha...jee always call me childish at heart...and honestly, i like the sound of that.....don't you???
the thought of being an adult scares me!!hahaha...im afraid of becoming the responsibilities-driven adult who is a gnirob!*translates to boring*
i mean how can be a fun person when all i have to think about is my bills and work....eventhough now i am stuck with work...which is homework saja lah...hahaha...i mean you don get fired just coz ur homework is not finished.....do you??? :o
i am getting my driving license soon...really....hahhaha....that's the only good ting turning 18....i'll give myself 1 month til i have a legal license.....hahahaha....in your face daddy!!hahahaha....
if its according to my lurvely dad, i would only get my license when im 40 i think....if not never......gawd!am i that untrusworthy.....hahaha.....don answer that question.....
i had my nails done today also...its like a treat for me....for my birthday....sadih ku eyh...hahahaha.......and i have on this little "stickers" of flowers and all on them and they are soooo daaymmm cute!!i can't take my eyes off of my nails.....yesh yesh....lurve them......i admit it...soooo...shoot me!hahha...
another reason i had my nails was coz we played for the fund raising dinner in chungching just now.....violin lerrr.......
gawd i look soooo fat in the video...hahahhahaha.....i guess i am....seriously....i just had to say that...hahahaha

nytzzz...

sooooo...here i am..in d middle of d holiday...owh and oso d beginning of puasa...
nothing else to do but doing my homework....

puasa.......it was a breeze.....no suffering like before...time just pass like nothing....hmmmm....i guess its because of me watching korean series all day long...and i thank so much to the person that "invented" this...his name shud be carved into all history books.....*apakan ayu nie*.....

i woke up extra late today also which was one of the "things" i do to pass d time and did my physics homework....GAWD!!did i really wanted to let the time pass til sanggup bwat physics!aha.....
den there was this funny story about my lil brother....kid, sometimes they can just make us smile with their silly antics....here goes...
i was sitting on my bed flipping through my physics file and my bro saw my practical paper with a huge "F" (i mean gawd sir like i could not see d "f" til he had to it extra big) and it was no biggie to me really since its just physics. so my bro, Audi was like.."aahhh ayu apa "F" ya??" (translates to ayu what is dat "F"??) and he also said "mun dpt "B" ertinya "bagus" kan?" (if get "B" means "bagus"(good))...i was like "yeah..in a way....sooo... an "A" means awesome and *thinking really hard* an "F" means fantastic lah..." Audi being his 9 year-old self said "oooohhhhh" *with big eyes*...how sweet he actually belived his evil-influential sisiter......haha....and i thot it was d end of the story when he suddenly said " so i prefer fantastic than awesome because fantastic sounds nicer than awesome so it means i shud get more "F""...i was like....wat did i do to this boy's brain??hahahahahaa

nytzz....

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single. You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone. However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating. Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

Your Inner Pop Princess Is Hilary Duff

"I'm shedding Shedding every color Trying to find a pigment of truth Beneath my skin" You're sweet and cute, but a little more complex than that.

Who's Your Inner Pop Princess?

WAAAAATTT!!!this quiz result is wrong i think!!...i dunnot like Hilary Duff to the max owhkay!!i despise her and yet they say im like her??????gaaaawwwwddd~~...heheheh.....

You Should Be In Atomic Kitten

Cute and stylish - you're the perfect little pop package. Oh, and you can sing a little too :-)

What Girl Group Should You Be In?

***Your Love Song Is***


Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

"Maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool"

You've been waiting for love, and you're not going to wait any longer!


What Love Song Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatlovesongareyouquiz/

hmmmm.......hmmmm....
where to start??????
i was quite curious...even furious really when we had "this lecture" which indicates what a woman should be and why they whould be something like dat, u know wat i mean.....
i was quite shock too when a woman herself actually agrees to this and believes in her being a lot lower than a male being.....
what happened to the waorld being equal....isn't that the same as saying that white is better than black?????
this is the 21st century and gender discrimination should not be a bother a tiny bit.....
i do not believe in marriage (im sorry to say) as it seems that a gurl's world revolves only being somebody acceptable to be married and being married......
look at my mum, she is an intelligent human being even more than my own dad and she is stuck here watching TV when she could enjoy herself growing old...
a woman is still looked at as the other sex who has to wash, tidy and cook eventhough the society would not admit to it.....
i noe a man is considered to be the leader of the family, but i think that is just a MYTH!!!...
my mum is the one organising and dealing with the family most of the time and my dad only has to supply the money......but God knows why my dad is the one getting all the credit...
i refuse to be strapped down and get "settled" or in short marry to a being which thinks us women as lower than them....
i don't want them to think us only as beautiful......
i don;t want them to even stereotyping us and comparing us with other women....
i am only protecting my right as a human being.......
i don't want the world to change...i just want me being heard as a human who is the same level as the opposite sex.....
we are capable and i still can't get over that a woman actually stereotyped her own kind being the soft one........cheh.......aaarrrgggghhhh.....
and my own family actually said indirectly that me being a girl is weak, when i was asked what i planned to be, i said i did aplly for pilot and what did he say???he said "don't, girls are way better off being a teacher".....can u belive that????!!!!!!...
i was SHOCKED!!!!!and i said i have the "standard" that they want being a pilot, i was only too young....i think i was even better than most of the guys there...i was called immature, but i think i was more mature than any of them....look at what i had experienced.......if only they knew.....they would not even want to think wat i had went through....but still i was the weaker one.......A TEACHER!!!..now im even more conviced to prove to close minded people that we may be inside a "weak body" but we r strong inside.......

sooooo.......latest deets of my life......
i went for a school trip to bandar....UBD,"the" Mall and Lapau...
it was fun really....which beats the boredom of being inside a dull and really looooongggggg classroom...
arah ubd we met up with chris, and i really missed her, and she hasn't change much since last year,but gurlllfreeennn ur getting much too small for your own good...i guess because of all the walking around that HUGE place...seriously,we did walk around the place and it was tiring let me tell ya.....
and that taught me not to underestimate the Uni...huhuhu...talk about humungus...owh well....
coz the only "uni" i ever went to was my sis's place and i don't even think that is a "uni"...hahahah.....i really wanted to see the hostel and where chriz now "lives"...however, i noe that was impossible.....
and we went inside the library and it was as big as "SAS"...seriously......huhuhu...
now i feel like im really from a "kampong"...hahahaha......
soooooo...after that we went to "the" mall....the usuals...makan2...makan2...and makan2...hahahah.....and i lurved walking round with Yonne and Armah.....gila gila bah kame tiga....hahahaa.....
let's do it again on Monday...hehehe
and after that we went to lapau....which is a place where "big" functions which includes His Majesty are held...it was niiiiceeeee~~~......and that is all i can say...and grand....heheh....

burst piczzz

we were supposed to be "angry" and make mad faces this time....but helll noooo.....keluar mcm sorang sedih...and dua orang bangang...apa punya models leeerrr.........
i like this picture.....SILLY FACES.....hehehehe.....and yessshhhh TOTALLY silly....hehehehe......it was soooo much fun i got totally addicted to it sampai sangal kale Kidah and Yonne...i hope not....hehehe....
yeeesshhh Kidah lick me again.....noooootttt....Kidah honestly you look totally out of place gurlfren....hahahaha....but funny lah the three of us looking up at the same spot at the exact same time and we didn't even planned it....."model instinct"....wawawawawa...........
and yeah..i agree...after looking at the above pics...this is the most boring one...hehehehe.......but look how happy Kidah is....i know, i know Kid you like taking pictures with me...besa lah.....hahahaha....kambang ayu eyh.......